"The 20 Second Rule" vs. LOVE

Sitting in the living room the other day, I heard Lukas in the bathroom counting to "20," as he washed his hands.  I turned to Brian with a familiar, "what is going on?" look.  He laughed.  You know those signs in public restrooms that advise you to wash your hands for 20 seconds?  Well, Lukas saw the sign a few weeks ago and has been faithfully obeying the rule ever since.  You see, he is our first born and he is a rule-follower to the extreme. He almost panics when someone does something he knows is wrong.  He always worries about arriving on time.  He knows the speed limit and cell phone laws and advises me whenever I try to bend the rules.

~~~

I have been contemplating once again...    Considering the decisions we make as a family and the ways we have chosen to raise our children.  I am constantly being challenged to rethink my ways.  This is a good thing.  I don't think God intended for anything to be static, but rather molded, rethought, challenged and changed accordingly.  My thinking this week has been around the way we homeschool, train, feed, entertain, and just plain LIVE with our children.  It takes me several days, quiet thoughts, reading, journalling, praying, bouncing my thoughts off of one or two people I trust...

Being a stay-at-home Mama is super challenging.  Figuring out how to be a good steward of the gifts (children) that God has given, is a high and difficult calling.  I have felt this calling since I was a little girl...

My favorite thing to do was play "house."  

I waited, 

what seemed like forever, 

for my very own Cabbage Patch Doll.  

And Kitty Hellen, 

with a blonde puff of yarn on her otherwise round, bald head, 

was my most treasured possession!  

I sat and rocked that baby, and put her to bed, and disciplined her, and taught her, 

like my life depended on it. 

 The things that excited me in books were 

babies, 

hospitals, 

and teachers.  

God was preparing me for the life I'm now living! 

Amazing!

I have thought about why I'm homeschooling...  The simple answer: I enjoy it!
I don't have a long, well-thought out list to share.
 Although there are multiple reasons.
 And I have been inspired by Ann Voskamp's,  Why Would Anyone Be Crazy Enough to Homeschool?  blog post.  You should check it out, it's beautiful!  

But I am not Ann.   

I was challenged and encouraged by Katherine in her blog called,  Shelter is not a place  You could read that one too!

Or this one...  Shelter

But I was totally rocked by this article:

 Solving the Crisis in Homeschooling: Exposing the 7 major blind spots of homeschoolers

It is a REALLY LONG article and it relates to anyone whose desire is raising children to be true followers of Jesus.  This is not just about homeschooling!  I can't emphasize that enough!  It is a REALLY GOOD ARTICLE about family-minded parents, take the time to read it all. (I had to save it to my documents so that I could read it over several days.  I only had pieces of time to sit and read.)

I am guilty of every one of the 7 blind spots he addresses:

1.) Self-centered dreams 

2.) Family as an idol 

3.) Emphasis on outward form 

4.) Tendency to judge 

5.) Over-dependence on authority and control 

6.) Over-reliance upon sheltering 

7.) Formulaic parenting breaks down relationship

Two of my favorite quotes from his article that sum up what he's learned as a father and pastor: 

"Our children spiritually blossom, not from the controls we impose from the outside, but from what they catch from us on the inside."

"I have observed that the best and most lasting fruit is born in families in which the gospel is genuinely believed and lived. Parents who daily depend upon God, and not their methods and self-working principles, are most likely to pass on their faith. I am convinced that the most contagious parenting is living a heartfelt faith before your children."

I tried to explain the main things that moved me in this very long article and Brian just said,
"You already know all this."
Thanks, Hun!  (If he didn't have so much faith in me, I don't know how I could manage :)
But I guess as a stay-at-home-christian-homeschooling-mom (add "Jaron's nurse" to that list and I'm exhausted saying it!), I just need encouragement every once in awhile.
And a new perspective never hurts. 

To encourage is to give active help or to raise confidence 

to the point where one dares to do what is difficult. 

(Thank you, Mr. Webster)

He said it.  It's difficult.

We want the best for our children
 And we think they are the best
 So we'll do whatever it takes to be the best

But at what expense?

Every mom has stood in a grocery store with a crying child.  You aren't a real mom if you haven't.  Just wait.  It doesn't take long for the hopes and dreams you had of being perfect parents, with perfect plans, and producing perfect children...  to be loudly and embarrassingly, dashed.  Your first feeling in this instance, as I stated, is embarrassment.  What are all these people going to think of ME?
It is so easy to be trapped by this earthly desire to be seen as a good and godly parent.  But what does our heavenly Father have to say about this?  1 Samuel 16:7 states very plainly, "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

So what is truly important?

Whether other's see us as a success or failure as a parent?

Think about that for a minute....

Ask yourself, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."  (Galatians 6:10) Paul just got it.  Paul is my hero.  As I study his letters, I never cease to be amazed by the life he lived, the truth he shared, and the faith he was rooted in.  I want to be like Paul.  An imperfect man who implicitly trusted God with his whole being.  No matter what the circumstance, YOU CAN TRUST JESUS!  I think this is my new motto.
But how often are we just like the pharisees?  We think we've got it all together.  We have all the right teaching, yet we fail to see the truth that Jesus came to free us with.  We act right so that we can look good.  We are experts at "cleaning the outside of our cup and dish, but inside we are full of greed and self-indulgence... on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."  (Matthew 25:23, 28)  Looking good on the outside and having clean-cut, obedient, temper-tantrum-free children, is not why God called me to be a Mom.
Jesus came with a message that would set captives free, give sight to the blind, lift up those who are bowed down, feed the hungry, sustain the fatherless and widows... (Psalm 146:7-9)
He did not come to pat good mom's with well-mannered children on the back.  Good kids are not going to earn us a, "well done my good and faithful servant."  But I am guilty of seeking that assurance from my Savior.  That I'm doing all the right things, at all the right times, so that I get just the result I desire.
So, this is my rambling... Based on weeks of reading, questioning, stumbling...  I even considered getting rid of the TV a few weeks ago.  I don't think our family has been called to that decision but I am thankful for the perspectives I've been exposed to.  So that as a couple, Brian and I can make decisions for our family, that are pleasing to the Lord.  Ultimately, I want my children to LOVE the Lord their God with all their heart and with all their soul and with all their strength, and love their neighbor as themselves.

And that is what I must do.  

The rest is dust.  

~~~

I choose not to live in bondage to the world's view of being a "good parent".  I believe God wants His children to be set free from RULES in order to extend forgiveness, grace, mercy and unconditional love. That's what Jesus did.  He came to save that which was lost.  The down-trodden, broken-hearted, lost souls. He accepted the extravagant love of a prostitute.  He shepherded greedy tax-collectors.  He opened the eyes of a zealous pharisee.  He forgave each one of us and paid the ultimate price, because He loves even me.

LOVE IS THE KEY.

I can wash my hands for 20 seconds, but if I have not love...